Hearts Unfold

Faith. Hope. Love.

Belong

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We’re a family.

Many branches, many leaves, one tree.

It’s shady underneath this tree. But I’m too far away.

The shadows aren’t stretching. Strange.

The tree is shrinking, shrivelling.

How do I grow close?

I’m detached, dying.

On my own.

But, we’re a family. Aren’t we?

Look… Little shoots on the ground.

Trampled, squashed by un-thinking feet.

Do you see us?

No. Invisible.

Your arms are long, O family tree.

Yet, your reach is short.

You don’t want to grow anymore

happy in your bubble. Too much trouble.

I choke.

Somedays you pretend, and bend.

It just depends…

On what? On whom? On me?

I’m supposed to be free!

So be free.

OK.

The tree isn’t high, of far.

It’s actually close. Closer. Closest.

Shadows are long. Resting, peacefully.

I can be strong, because I’m wrong.

From little things, big things… you know?

If watered, nourished, replenished.

By love.

Love connects, corrects, protects.

Love reflects, so don’t deflect.

Branch out. Jump up. Grab on.

Belong.

For a Beautiful Boy.

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I see more than you know.                                                                                                 

I see your heart inside the broken body that houses your beautiful soul.

You may not be able to use your body, or control it the way you would like,

but God is in control. He holds your heart in the palm of His hands.

He loves you so much.

You are more connected to him than most.

You are full of the Holy Spirit and sometimes you cry,

overwhelmed because of the love in you. God’s love.

He cares for you when nobody else does.

He smiles at you when all you see are sad, confused faces.

He knows your heart, your mind. He hears your voice, even though noone else can.

People don’t understand you. They look away, They don’t know what to say.

If only they could see you like I do…

They would love you like He does.

They would not talk about you like you are not there.

They would not stick you in a corner all by yourself.

They would not forget about you.

They would see your pain, your frustration, your love, your sadness, your joy, your faithful and obedient Spirit.

They would know that,

You are a perfect child of God

You are very special to Him

You were created in His image

You will one day be in heaven, where you will have no more pain. Where you will not be rejected or avoided, or laughed at, or teased, or misunderstood, or feared, or forgotten.

You will be with Jesus.

You will be filled with inexpressable joy, love and peace for all eternity.

God bless you Kai!

 

 

 

My Testimony

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I gave my heart to Jesus and was baptised in November last year. I would like to share my testimony with you in hope that it may be an encouragement to someone somewhere. Jesus changed my life, and if you give Him the chance, He will change yours too!

Here is my testimony as delivered at Gateway Baptist Church, Brisbane QLD on the 27.12.2011. God bless you!

Good morning church family. My name is Amanda, and I’d like to share a little piece of my journey with you today.

I was raised in the Catholic faith, went to catholic school, and even played mother Mary in the nativity play when I was 4. Yet all through life I somehow missed the true message of the gospel. I lived for years, relatively happy with the illusion that I was in control of every aspect of my life. I made some really poor decisions that led to deep scars of guilt and shame, which I examined in the mirror every day. I was fighting a constant battle with perfectionism, and the unrealistically high standards I set for myself came with a huge cost. I believed that what I did was never good enough. I was a straight 7 student at uni and the thought of achieving anything less than perfect grades made me feel physically ill. I was riddled with anxiety and depression, and at one point found myself in hospital hooked to a heart monitor, that found nothing ‘physically’ wrong with me. On the outside, people saw a confident, well adjusted, person who had everything going for her. On the inside, my mind was a battlefield, and my spirit was broken. If I couldn’t live up to what I thought I should be, I didn’t want to live. I was holding on for dear life, but only just. Enter Jesus.

10 months ago, God chose to introduce me to Jesus, through a dear friend of mine. At first I fought, and judged, and questioned, not wanting to let go of the little control I thought I had left. I was angry and full of pride. Then I began to open my heart and my mind, and hear the good news that was being shared with me. As I did, an amazing transformation began in my heart. I described the feeling at one point as though there was so much love in my heart, it was going to burst. Or at least it felt that way. I was given a Bible, and would immerse myself in the Word for hours upon hours at a time, totally engrossed in the story of Jesus, and His promises to each one of us, including me. I was full of wonder and amazement, in awe of such a powerful and gracious God. One day in February this year, I was sitting at the top of the stairs, and saw a vision of Jesus on the cross on the wall in front of me. I sat staring at Jesus, and was overwhelmed by a sense of peace and comfort, I felt like a small child being cradled in big strong arms. It was at that point that I knew everything was going to be ok. It was that day that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

My life has changed enormously since making the decision to follow Christ. I have learned that my self-worth is not born out of my achievements, or the way I look, or even the good deeds that I do. That Jesus loves me no matter where I am or where I have been in life. That God forgives me, even if I don’t. I have a long way to go on my journey, and know that accepting Jesus is not a magic pill that makes all your problems go away. I am still trying to fully understand His infinite grace, and mercy. I am working on trusting the Lord to guide and direct my path without having to know all the details. I am trying to be kinder to myself, and love others the way Jesus does. Faith is hard work, but I know I have the Almighty Father on my side, Jesus in my heart, and the Holy Spirit to guide me in all that I do. I thank our awesome God for saving me.

Thank you for reading.

I am praying for each and every one of you. May you learn who Jesus is today.

God bless you!

Amanda.

U-turn permitted.

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As I sit metaphorically peering in the rear vision mirror, I must confess the thought of doing a U-turn is tempting. If I am being completely honest, which I try to always be, life was a lot simpler before knowing God. If I felt sad or lonely, I would find some quick fix, some solution to make my pain go away. I would even use this technique with the big things in life, like relationships. If I went through a break up, I would slip into a momentary depression, and then just willfully snap out of it, taking on the ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ attitude. Then, quite simply I would just go out and find someone else to be with. Someone else to fall in love with, someone else to love me and tell me how special I am. There was always someone who wanted me, I just had to be proactive… Problem solved, right?! If work was too challenging, or annoying, or not exactly where I wanted to be, I would just leave. If there was anything in my life that wasn’t perfect, or that was not making me ‘feel’ good, I would abandon it in a heartbeat. The thought of anything more than a simple, happy, stress free, non-confrontational life made me ill. So I ran. And back then it worked. As I look through these old photos, I look happy, I look radiant, carefree, unburdened. Life was not always great, but I knew how to ‘fix it’. I knew what I had to do to take the pain away, to make life easy again. But, as the old cliche goes, life wasn’t mean’t to be easy.

And nor is faith.

You can only run for so long, before you need to stop and take a good look in the mirror. Suffice to say I did not like what I saw, and for once in my life, I had no idea how to fix it. No amount of running, or seeking, or planning, or denying, or abandoning was going to take away the pain of a lifetime of poor decisions, made by a person overflowing with pride, and bogged down with shame and guilt, desperate to take the pain away. So, the U-turn which at first seemed enticing, upon reflection is not so appealing. Sure, I may have looked happy in those photos, but these were temporary moments captured in a single shot, taken almost always by someone who loved me. Taken by someone who loved me with a temporary love, a love that evolved from my attempts to ‘fix things’, a measured, conditional love that did not last.

I have a choice, there will always be choice. I can do the U-turn and go back to willlfully finding quick fix solutions in the hope that one of these solutions may lead to lasting happiness, or I can place my faith in someone who can see the bigger picture, someone who has loved me since before conception, and will continue to love me well after my last breath. Faith is not a quick solution that will instantly take pain away. Do not be deceived, it is a tough, long, challenging, confrontational journey that lasts forever. A journey that involves a complete transformation from the inside, where no stone is left unturned. There are times when it all seems too difficult, and I want to go back to the blissful ignorance, and false sense of control. What makes the journey bearable is the object of faith, a loving compassionate, kind, gracious God, who is always patient with His children. A God who has already given the ‘solution.’ He has given us a saviour, a protector, a guide, a role model, a safe refuge where love is not temporary, but eternal.

The solution is Jesus. The reward is Heaven.

God bless xx