I gave my heart to Jesus and was baptised in November last year. I would like to share my testimony with you in hope that it may be an encouragement to someone somewhere. Jesus changed my life, and if you give Him the chance, He will change yours too!
Here is my testimony as delivered at Gateway Baptist Church, Brisbane QLD on the 27.12.2011. God bless you!
Good morning church family. My name is Amanda, and I’d like to share a little piece of my journey with you today.
I was raised in the Catholic faith, went to catholic school, and even played mother Mary in the nativity play when I was 4. Yet all through life I somehow missed the true message of the gospel. I lived for years, relatively happy with the illusion that I was in control of every aspect of my life. I made some really poor decisions that led to deep scars of guilt and shame, which I examined in the mirror every day. I was fighting a constant battle with perfectionism, and the unrealistically high standards I set for myself came with a huge cost. I believed that what I did was never good enough. I was a straight 7 student at uni and the thought of achieving anything less than perfect grades made me feel physically ill. I was riddled with anxiety and depression, and at one point found myself in hospital hooked to a heart monitor, that found nothing ‘physically’ wrong with me. On the outside, people saw a confident, well adjusted, person who had everything going for her. On the inside, my mind was a battlefield, and my spirit was broken. If I couldn’t live up to what I thought I should be, I didn’t want to live. I was holding on for dear life, but only just. Enter Jesus.
10 months ago, God chose to introduce me to Jesus, through a dear friend of mine. At first I fought, and judged, and questioned, not wanting to let go of the little control I thought I had left. I was angry and full of pride. Then I began to open my heart and my mind, and hear the good news that was being shared with me. As I did, an amazing transformation began in my heart. I described the feeling at one point as though there was so much love in my heart, it was going to burst. Or at least it felt that way. I was given a Bible, and would immerse myself in the Word for hours upon hours at a time, totally engrossed in the story of Jesus, and His promises to each one of us, including me. I was full of wonder and amazement, in awe of such a powerful and gracious God. One day in February this year, I was sitting at the top of the stairs, and saw a vision of Jesus on the cross on the wall in front of me. I sat staring at Jesus, and was overwhelmed by a sense of peace and comfort, I felt like a small child being cradled in big strong arms. It was at that point that I knew everything was going to be ok. It was that day that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
My life has changed enormously since making the decision to follow Christ. I have learned that my self-worth is not born out of my achievements, or the way I look, or even the good deeds that I do. That Jesus loves me no matter where I am or where I have been in life. That God forgives me, even if I don’t. I have a long way to go on my journey, and know that accepting Jesus is not a magic pill that makes all your problems go away. I am still trying to fully understand His infinite grace, and mercy. I am working on trusting the Lord to guide and direct my path without having to know all the details. I am trying to be kinder to myself, and love others the way Jesus does. Faith is hard work, but I know I have the Almighty Father on my side, Jesus in my heart, and the Holy Spirit to guide me in all that I do. I thank our awesome God for saving me.
Thank you for reading.
I am praying for each and every one of you. May you learn who Jesus is today.
God bless you!
Amanda.
As I sit metaphorically peering in the rear vision mirror, I must confess the thought of doing a U-turn is tempting. If I am being completely honest, which I try to always be, life was a lot simpler before knowing God. If I felt sad or lonely, I would find some quick fix, some solution to make my pain go away. I would even use this technique with the big things in life, like relationships. If I went through a break up, I would slip into a momentary depression, and then just willfully snap out of it, taking on the ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ attitude. Then, quite simply I would just go out and find someone else to be with. Someone else to fall in love with, someone else to love me and tell me how special I am. There was always someone who wanted me, I just had to be proactive… Problem solved, right?! If work was too challenging, or annoying, or not exactly where I wanted to be, I would just leave. If there was anything in my life that wasn’t perfect, or that was not making me ‘feel’ good, I would abandon it in a heartbeat. The thought of anything more than a simple, happy, stress free, non-confrontational life made me ill. So I ran. And back then it worked. As I look through these old photos, I look happy, I look radiant, carefree, unburdened. Life was not always great, but I knew how to ‘fix it’. I knew what I had to do to take the pain away, to make life easy again. But, as the old cliche goes, life wasn’t mean’t to be easy.